I am lonely...

I am lonely without you. What more can I say?

The air is...

The air is still tonight, and I can feel your presence surrounding me. The New Year, I hope, will be happy for me, as you would want it.

Hey there, It...

Hey there,
It is almost New Year's Eve, and we are going to a party to celebrate. By "we" I mean me and my new "friend." You would like him I think. He is cute, smart, and a little insecure, but he has a great big heart. I don't know if he is the "one," but we certainly get along well. I wish you could meet him and then report back to me. He is really funny. He makes me laugh, and isn't that one of the most important things in a relationship? I think so. I haven't smiled so much in a long time. I'll keep you posted. xo

Last night I...

Last night I felt you rustling in my bed. I woke up not startled but comforted. Thanks for dropping by, again.

You are my...

You are my sister, and I love you. May all of your dreams come true wherever you are.

Hi there, Well...

Hi there,
Well, another Christmas is around the corner, and I miss you. Mind you, I don't miss going all the way to the country to see you. I hated those long trips in the car, but I do miss the feeling of family I had shared with you. There really is no one left except Mom, Dad, and your son. I admit I can't communicate with your husband anymore, especially after he started seeing that woman. I have nothing to say to him. Also, I think that as your son grows older, he'll realize that I am an extension of you, the mother he lost, and we will grow closer, one of these days. You are always with me. Thank you for being there and guiding me along the more often than not challenging path of my life.
With love,
me

You died before...

You died before you could truly appreciate life at its fullest. An overdose without a letter makes me wonder whether or not you wanted to live at all. I hope to know someday. Perhaps when I die, we will reunite, and you'll be able to explain to me exactly what happened. Until then, I hope that you have the ability to be happy wherever you are. You deserve it.

Dear love, I...

Dear love,
I don't know where you are in the universe, but I wanted to say that I love you. Perhaps you know this already, perhaps you watch over me and wince every time I say I love you before I go to sleep at night. Maybe you think, poor him, he is so lonely without me. And you would be right. I am very lonely without you. I wish you could help me, extricate me from the pain and suffering. I wish you could hold me again, so tightly.

Greetings, Season's greetings...

Greetings,
Season's greetings I guess, if you celebrate that stuff wherever you may be. You make me cry you know. I think about you, and I cry, often at the most unpredictable moments, I turn on the waterworks. I manage to hide just in time, most of the time. Sometimes, I just let it show. Everybody knows why. Everybody will always know why.

Closing my eyes...

Closing my eyes as I write
Sensing you peering over my shoulder
Checking my grammar
Keeping quiet
Respecting my creative process
I feel your breath
And smell your skin
My lover
How I destroy myself
With these thoughts

Messages will be published on 23 December 2007

The secrets all...

The secrets all came out after you died, Boy oh boy, did you have a double life. All I can say at this point is goodbye.

I am so angry...

I am so angry that you left us with such a mess to take care of. I hate you.

Thank you for...

Thank you for watching over me during the difficult times. You give me strength

I look at...

I look at your picture every day and I feel comforted by your smile. Thank you.

It's so cold...

It's so cold outside now. I wish you were here to cuddle with. I still remember the scent of your warm skin. Ouch.

Yesterday made thirty...

Yesterday made thirty days since you left me. I cannot believe you are gone. I have not been able to visit your grave. I guess I am still waiting for you to walk through the door. I am writing you a letter you will never receive. I wonder to myself what you would think of the things that have happened since the accident. There has been so much pain.

So much of...

So much of life is about timing. I can't help but think that your stay on earth was badly timed. If you had only been born a little later, you would have had better treatments for your illness, and maybe you would still be alive today. It is continuously hard to accept that you have died.

The holiday season...

The holiday season brings with it warm memories of you my love. I am so lonely.

I can't watch...

I can't watch you mow the lawn or shovel the driveway anymore. You were a handsome, dutiful man, and I miss you.

I am finally...

I am finally learning to take care of myself. I think of how proud you would be of me if you saw how I am confident and happy to take chances again.