Sunday, July 29, 2007

Retirement meant that...

Retirement meant that I would have had more free time to spend with you. So much for that. I spend my time getting rid of your things and preparing for my own departure.

I feel so...

I feel so left behind.

I believe that...

I believe that you will come back to me in one way or another. I know it. I feel it.

I am still...

I am still a dreamer. Day and night, I dream of you.

I almost called...

I almost called you today. I can't believe I still forget that you are gone. I miss you very much with all my heart.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Many years have...

Many years have passed since you left us, Christy. Almost thirty years. I often wonder how you would be now. Would you have married? Would you have had children? I still miss you so much.

I begged God...

I begged God to bring you back, and then I stopped believing in God when you never showed up. I'm sorry. I no longer see the point.

I am still...

I am still waiting for time to heal all wounds.

I hope it's...

I hope it's peaceful wherever you are!

Your passing away...

Your passing away has propelled me to raise money for cancer research. Thanks for always being my inspiration.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

You are not...

You are not an angel. You must not be in heaven. You flew too close to the sun and melted your wings.

Remembering you is...

Remembering you is like traveling towards an unknown destination. Those who think of you with nostalgia are tourists, but I am a traveler exploring every crevice of grief.

The business...

The business has been going really well this year. I am wealthy now and unhappier than I have ever been in my entire life. I miss you.

I know you...

I know you did your best to take care of us, but taking care of us is what killed you. And now I wonder if you really even cared about us at all. Some, including you, said you sacrificed so much for us. I say you didn't care about yourself enough to care for us properly. Supporting us was like a tool you used to make you believe that you were important. You took care of us not because you were selfless, but because taking care of us allowed you to focus on us and never look at yourself in the mirror to confront your own demons. If I had known how insecure you were when I first met you, I would have never married you. I hope in your next life you are a confident man, a man who can live life to the fullest, who loves himself, a man who is sensitive, a man who does not spend his days and evenings at the office under the guise of "taking care" of his loved ones. You were not a hero. You were a loser, and I more so for having put up with you all these years.

I hope you...

I hope you get this message somehow. If I could, I would love to send you a birthday present.

Sunday, July 8, 2007

No one person...

No one person understands what it is to have lost you. I have come to learn that no one will, and that's okay. But why can't they just let me grieve?

In my quiet...

In my quiet moments, I fear that someone else that I love will pass away. I never want to go through this grief again. I miss you too much.

Flowers grow around...

Flowers grow around your gravestone now. It's almost as if you meant it to be that way. I speak to them as if they were you.

So many men...

So many men resemble you now. Everywhere I look, I see you, my heart skips a beat, and for a split second, I feel hope that all of this was just a mistake.

I still don't...

I still don't believe that you died of natural causes. But no one will confirm my theory. Everyone is being so polite and nice on the surface, but I just know they are hiding something. I wish you could tell me what happened.

Sunday, July 1, 2007

You have become...

You have become a pillow.

Every star flies...

Every star flies in a crimson sky where multiple suns and moons live happily together with you in my dreams.

Since you died...

Since you died, I see death everywhere on television, in the news, and in nature. I had never realized how much death surrounded the living and how much we constantly avoid seeing death. We need to stop looking away and face death when we are alive so it won't be so unbearable when someone we love, like you, dies.

You should have...

You should have been more careful. I hate you for only thinking about yourself.

Your killer is...

Your killer is getting what he deserves, and I feel better in a way, but I can never fully trust a man again, no matter how kind he appears to be.