You know that...

You know that I care for you, even though you are gone. I still worry about you. It's strange, but I hope that wherever you are you are well-protected and surrounded by love as you were here on earth.

We will never...

We will never know how you died. There was no note, no evidence, nothing but a dead you. How does one reconcile this with moving on? If you could just somehow let me know how it all happened, then maybe I would able to continue on a path that would be more sane and less filled with nightmares of the possibilities.

It's over now....

It's over now. You are not here anymore. What do I do with your saxophone?

Messages to return on Sunday, January 27th

When you died...

When you died, I began to think of my own mortality, and not a day goes by that I wonder if I will live to see 30. I can't see it, because I can't see surviving without you for much longer.

Many exciting things...

Many exciting things are happening now. I wish you were here to share with me. We used to have such good times together traveling, watching television, cuddling. I am still angry at him for taking you away from me. If only we hadn't gone out that night. If only we had just decided to stay in and have a perfectly fine and loving time together. Nothing would have happened, and life would be as perfect as it could be with you my love.

I have spent...

I have spent my third Thanksgiving and Christmas without you beside me in body. This year we received our first granddaughter on Thanksgiving Eve. It was a time of celebration my love. I celebrated the loves that were, the loves that are, and the loves that will come somewhere again in this universe. I am stronger this holiday season. I grow accustomed to being alone, but I miss you more and more. I feel your presence, I read your notes, look at your picture and talk avidly and lovingly to our granddaughter about you. I know babies this young aren't suppose to smile, but she does every time I mention your name. I think you met her before her descent into this world. My New Year's Resolution is to complete the dollhouse you made me. It will become my project for Eva Grace. She will know you made it and look forward to visiting MiMiM and playing with your dollhouse. What a lovely memory it will make for her! I love you and will meet you again on our star. Keep waiting, keep watching over me, and know I celebrate and miss you daily, my love.