To the love...

To the love of my life, I'm still trying to find the pieces to my life, holding on to the precious memories of you and us. You came into my life and only stayed for such a short period of time but you have impacted me so much. I loved you with all my heart, mind, and soul and I know that you did the same. There is no questioning that. You are my angel. If I had one more day with you I would tell you how much I miss you and how much you mean to me. I would wake you up early, go for breakfast together, you would make me laugh and I would say something corny and we would joke around endlessly. I would force you to do something active, you would not like the idea but go along with it because you loved me and that's what you did, to find out later that we would have such a great time. In return, we would watch sports on your big screen TV that you were so proud of and pig out on junk food. And as always I would never want this day to end...I know you are with your dad now, watching over us and protecting us. You will always be in our hearts. I love you.

I have to...

I have to say that dealing with your death is relatively easier than dealing with the other ones. Maybe this is because I was able to "practice" grief before losing you. I still miss you, but I am not torn to pieces. I am just injured. I think I'll be okay.

Lost when you...

Lost when you were here. Lost now forever as far as I know. A short life for you. Did you really ever want to live like everyone else? Did you ever think of anyone else but yourself? I suffered in your shadows, but took care of you with no gratitude required. And you kept taking, never giving unless you wanted a "thank you," or a favor in return. You were a solipsistic, pathetic man. I still hate myself for wasting my time loving you, trying to save you, waiting for you to change. Well, you have changed for sure now, but my feelings have not. Damn you.

My God I...

My God I can't believe it. I'm sitting here searching the Internet for messages from you. I call your cell phone just to hear your voice. I know that you are free and in a much better place, but I feel so empty inside knowing that you're just not there anymore. I didn't call you enough, didn't show you just how much you mean to me. Please God, let him know how much I loved him. Nobody will ever make me laugh the way you did, the kind of laughing that left my mouth sore. I miss the way you danced around without a care in the world. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.