I blow kisses...

I blow kisses in the wind hoping that they will reach you, and when the wind touches my face, I feel like my kisses have been reciprocated.

Kisses to you...

Kisses to you wherever you may be!

Good morning and...

Good morning and good night my love, xo

I hate you...

I hate you for leaving this earth.

Hi, I am...

Hi,
I am finally thinking of selling the house. It just isn't the same without you. I have to move on now. I'm sorry.

Since your death...

Since your death, there is a dark cloud that follows me around and rains on everything I do and everyone I touch.

I want to...

I want to join you as soon as possible.

Please let me...

Please let me know that wherever you are, everything is okay. I worry about you still.

I hope that...

I hope that you are making people laugh wherever you are. You always loved being the center of attention.

You gave me...

You gave me the world, and I thank you for that. You gave me misery, and I forgive you for that.

It's weird that...

It's weird that I will outlive you. I never thought this would happen. I always thought that you would be my older brother. I always thought that you were stronger than I was.

I know I'll...

I know I'll get over your death. I just don't know when. I feel the pain, and I recognize how it affects everything I do.

Autumn has hit...

Autumn has hit the city, and I feel more lonely than ever without you. There is no one to keep me warm. I miss your hugs.

If you had...

If you had only understood how much I loved you, you would have never done what you had done. I am sorry for not being perfect.

I miss the...

I miss the romance we used to have - the cuddles, the warmth, and the love. I have never felt so tired in my life.

We are taught...

We are taught how to save, not to lose lives. I am paralyzed not knowing what to do without you.

Well, what can...

Well, what can I tell you that you haven't probably already witnessed in one way or another. I can tell you that writing to you makes me feel happy, that writing to you makes me feel like you are here with me, and that writing to you makes me feel loved by you again. As painful as it is to know that you are gone, writing to you is a small respite from the terror of grief.

If I could...

If I could live with you again, I would show you that I am better now. You wouldn't suffer as you did, and you wouldn't kill yourself as you did. Your death punishes me daily.

No one has...

No one has touched me since you left.

I am not...

I am not mourning only the loss of you, but also the loss of time, the loss of the past. Our history is now just words, and the future without you is a theory.

I still smell you...

I still smell you
I still hear your laugh in my ear
Your golden rain, your gentle ways.

A rock, a shield, a star.
You still shine to me.

I love you Dad.

I almost walked...

I almost walked into the ocean to be with you. But as the water level reached my chin, I stopped. I thought of the torture of those around me when they would find out. I'm sorry. I can't yet be with you.

Now I see...

Now I see our closeness with the most purity. Now, after the storms have passed, I see what you meant when you said, "I love you." I woke up too late, and now it's too late for you to come back.

I hear your...

I hear your voice helping me through the difficult times. Thanks :)

You never said...

You never said good-bye. And I am happy you didn't. This way I know that you are still with me.

On hiatus this week. New messages next week!

I could be...

I could be having the best time, with friends, family, drinks, music, and then all of a sudden I feel a pang of distress when I remember that you are gone. When will I get over this?

It has been...

It has been two years now since you left. I feel like it gets worse as time goes on. I can still function and the acute pain is gone, but the sky always has at least one cloud in it to remind me that you are dead.

I used to...

I used to be so spontaneous when you were with me. Now, I find myself searching for symbols of permanence to fill the void left by your departure.

I forgive you...

I forgive you for everything you did to me. This is the only way I can move on.

Thank you for...

Thank you for giving me the gift of grief. I have learned so much about myself during this period. Unfortunately you are not here to share what I have learned.

You offered me...

You offered me a life of security, and now the only way for me to feel secure is to pretend that you are still alive, your arms are around me, and your gentle voice is whispering, "You're alright."

I did my...

I did my best to be your prince.

We had many...

We had many misunderstandings, and while the misunderstandings remain with me, so does my eternal love for you.

Against the sky...

Against the sky no longer of this world.

Sunrise irritates me...

Sunrise irritates me and sunset scares me now that you are gone.

Devastating Everyday Always...

Devastating
Everyday
Always
Dead

I need you...

I need you baby. I miss you.

Please protect me...

Please protect me wherever you are.

I know that...

I know that everyday all over the world people die, but you were so special to me. I don't think I'll ever meet anyone like you again.

You were the...

You were the best thing that ever happened to me. And now you are the worst thing that ever happened to me.

Retirement meant that...

Retirement meant that I would have had more free time to spend with you. So much for that. I spend my time getting rid of your things and preparing for my own departure.

I feel so...

I feel so left behind.

I believe that...

I believe that you will come back to me in one way or another. I know it. I feel it.

I am still...

I am still a dreamer. Day and night, I dream of you.

I almost called...

I almost called you today. I can't believe I still forget that you are gone. I miss you very much with all my heart.

Many years have...

Many years have passed since you left us, Christy. Almost thirty years. I often wonder how you would be now. Would you have married? Would you have had children? I still miss you so much.

I begged God...

I begged God to bring you back, and then I stopped believing in God when you never showed up. I'm sorry. I no longer see the point.

I am still...

I am still waiting for time to heal all wounds.

I hope it's...

I hope it's peaceful wherever you are!

Your passing away...

Your passing away has propelled me to raise money for cancer research. Thanks for always being my inspiration.

You are not...

You are not an angel. You must not be in heaven. You flew too close to the sun and melted your wings.

Remembering you is...

Remembering you is like traveling towards an unknown destination. Those who think of you with nostalgia are tourists, but I am a traveler exploring every crevice of grief.

The business...

The business has been going really well this year. I am wealthy now and unhappier than I have ever been in my entire life. I miss you.

I know you...

I know you did your best to take care of us, but taking care of us is what killed you. And now I wonder if you really even cared about us at all. Some, including you, said you sacrificed so much for us. I say you didn't care about yourself enough to care for us properly. Supporting us was like a tool you used to make you believe that you were important. You took care of us not because you were selfless, but because taking care of us allowed you to focus on us and never look at yourself in the mirror to confront your own demons. If I had known how insecure you were when I first met you, I would have never married you. I hope in your next life you are a confident man, a man who can live life to the fullest, who loves himself, a man who is sensitive, a man who does not spend his days and evenings at the office under the guise of "taking care" of his loved ones. You were not a hero. You were a loser, and I more so for having put up with you all these years.

I hope you...

I hope you get this message somehow. If I could, I would love to send you a birthday present.

No one person...

No one person understands what it is to have lost you. I have come to learn that no one will, and that's okay. But why can't they just let me grieve?

In my quiet...

In my quiet moments, I fear that someone else that I love will pass away. I never want to go through this grief again. I miss you too much.

Flowers grow around...

Flowers grow around your gravestone now. It's almost as if you meant it to be that way. I speak to them as if they were you.

So many men...

So many men resemble you now. Everywhere I look, I see you, my heart skips a beat, and for a split second, I feel hope that all of this was just a mistake.